therapy for perfectionism In San Antonio
Perfectionism feels like a note you can never quite hit.
As far back as you can remember, perfectionism has knocked on your door…
Perfectionism isn’t just about high standards. It’s the invisible pressure that shapes how you work, parent, and relate. If you're exhausted by the need to be “good enough,” therapy can help you get to the root of it.
You’ve always been told you’re responsible, mature, an old soul, always working to excel at everything you do.
You’ve chalked it up to being driven, high-achieving, having high standards, or just as part of your personality but perfectionism keeps dragging you back into a cycle that’s exhausting, not empowering.
If you get it “right” and don’t "mess up," then no one can judge you. But you feel trapped in an endless cycle of shame because you’re never able to reach perfection.
How Perfectionism Affects Work, Focus, and Energy
You don’t always have the confidence others perceive you as having but instead struggle with continually feeling "not enough." Overwhelming situations make you want to hide, run away, or bury yourself in work. Anything to stay busy.
It's rare you take a day off, even though you have plenty of days accumulated. You've always had glowing evaluations and constant praise at work. Trying to get everything perfect and be “on” all day at work is too much now. Your energy and efforts are all poured into work.
As soon as you get home you crash.
Perfectionism in Parenting: Always Trying to Get It Right
As a parent, perfectionism shows up in subtle but exhausting ways. You’re often second-guessing yourself, replaying conversations, wondering if you handled a meltdown “right,” or if you're giving your kids what they need.
You hold yourself to impossible standards: patient but firm, fun but structured, present but productive.
You worry that if you get it wrong, you’ll mess up your kids. And when you do lose your temper or forget something, the shame hits hard.
It’s hard to relax and just be with them because you feel the pressure to always do, to make everything just right. And while you're trying to be the parent you didn’t have, you're also carrying that old fear: that making mistakes means you’re failing…again.
You want your kids to feel seen, safe, and loved no matter what…even though you weren’t always given that. Therapy can help you offer that same compassion to yourself.
And, then there's procrastination.
You can’t seem to accomplish anything else, except as it relates to your career. When you get home, you appear “lazy” and procrastination becomes ever so loud.
Perfectionism often backfires - keeping you from starting, creating, or even resting. Sometimes you might notice you don’t try anything at all if it’s not going to be perfect or “right.” It may be common for you to procrastinate on things where you feel “permission” to do so like, at home.
The driving force of perfectionism has become more of a detriment lately to you than a positive.
Perfectionism started for you when you were a child.
This started early. You still remember the fear of not being loved, unaccepted, being teased, rejected, criticized if you made mistakes. At home, perfection was the price of belonging. Accomplishments weren’t just celebrated-they were expected. Falling short meant disappointment, shame, or being shut out.
This Has Hurt You
Your perfectionism is likely rooted in early attachment dynamics, the ways you learned to earn love, approval, or safety in your family system. If connection felt conditional, based on being “good,” helpful, or successful, then striving for perfection might have felt like the only way to stay close or avoid disapproval.
Over time, that deep fear of disappointing others or being “too much” can turn into a belief that love and belonging must be earned by doing, not simply by being.
Where Perfectionism Comes From
Perfectionism came from a good place. A place where you could feel in control in a world where you didn’t feel like you had any. This started as a way to feel accepted, valued, praised, respected in your family, and loved.
You were relied on too much. Left to carry more than a child should. When things got hard, no one stepped in. You learned to protect yourself, to be the one who always held it together. There was no room for mistakes.
You may relate to having been through childhood trauma or another type of trauma when you remember when perfectionism started. You might even relate to having both perfectionistic and people pleasing tendencies as they often go hand-in-hand.
The Emotional Toll of Perfectionism
You’re maxed out, chasing worth through achievement - but never quite reaching the peace you crave.
We live in a world of “never enough” which only reinforces perfectionism. You've been telling yourself: I’m not doing enough. I’m not successful enough. Not good enough.
Whatever the category, work, relationships, your appearance, it always feels just out of reach.
This has led to the cycle of thought spirals into guilt, shame, and disconnection from those you love, and staying stuck on the Ferris wheel of perfect.
What are the signs of perfectionism?
Perfectionism is often seen as a way to adapt or as a coping mechanism for dealing with a difficult upbringing. While this may not be true for everyone, it's true for you.
As a child, this would be considered a logical way to see your world because you were young and had to rely on the adults in your life to take care of you. You were reliant on them for survival.
Everything your parents did, you had to make sense of, believe was right, or for the best. Rather than believe a parent was flawed, you believed that if you were just "good enough," "better," or perfect you would be treated better.
You learned to do whatever you could to be perfect so that no one could find fault and you wouldn’t be hurt.
And, you're still doing this because you were taught to believe practice makes perfect.
You’ve held onto perfectionism for a long time. It helped you feel in control when everything else wasn’t. But now, it’s wearing you down.
What once protected you is now driving anxiety and disconnection.
How Counseling for Perfectionism Can Help
Therapy can move you towards trading up to healthy excellence instead of perfectionism. We'll work together, so you can learn to remove the mask of perfectionism without giving up your strong work ethic or high, realistic standards.
Counseling can help you work through the idea that you can't be vulnerable. It can help you learn to get to the root cause of what's driving perfectionism. You can learn to release beliefs about yourself that keep perfectionism alive and well.
You can learn to let go of stressful, high expectations, that make you feel lonely and are wreaking havoc on you.
Release the Pressure to Be Perfect
This isn’t how you want to continue living your life. You're ready to be free from the burden it takes to carry the idea that you need to be perfect.
You can keep your strengths - perseverance, strength, a strong work ethic, high achievement, while letting go of the inner critic driving these strengths into overdrive.
It’s just time to live without the bondage of perfectionism.
FAQ : Therapy for Perfectionism in San Antonio
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Not at all. In therapy, we focus on keeping your drive and values but without the shame, fear, or “never enough” that comes with perfectionism.
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That makes total sense. Often perfectionism becomes so second nature, it feels like a personality trait. But together, we can gently explore what’s underneath it and give you more freedom in how you respond to challenges.
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This work goes deeper than self-help tips. We’ll look at where this pattern started, why it makes sense given your story, and how to shift it with compassion, not force.
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Absolutely. Many people develop perfectionistic tendencies to stay safe, be accepted, or avoid criticism growing up. Exploring these roots helps loosen the grip perfectionism has on you now.
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That fear is completely normal. Therapy with me is gentle, warm, and never about judgment, only about creating a space where you don’t have to be “on.”
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Not at all. Therapy isn’t about lowering your standards, it’s about helping you feel less anxious, more grounded, and more clearabout what truly matters, so you don’t burn out trying to prove yourself.
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That’s exactly the kind of question we explore in therapy, gently, with curiosity. You’re not losing who you are. You’re uncovering what’s been underneath all along: someone worthy, even without constant achievement.
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IA good sign it’s perfectionism is if there’s shame, anxiety, or fear of being judged tied to not doing something “right.” Therapy can help you untangle healthy drive from patterns that are hurting you.
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That’s completely natural. Perfectionism often shows up in therapy too, feeling like you have to get it “right” or say the “right” things.
This is a space where you don’t have to perform. We’ll work through those moments together.
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Yes! It starts by understanding where it came from, what it’s been protecting you from, and learning new ways to feel safe, accepted, and valued that don’t require constant striving.
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The goal isn’t to erase your drive; it’s to unhook it from fear and shame. When that happens, success becomes more sustainable and less draining. You get to enjoy what you’re building, not just survive it.
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That depends on your goals, history, and how deeply perfectionism is woven into your life. Some clients come for a few months; others do deeper work over time. We’ll figure that out together.
Ready to reconnect with who you are underneath perfectionism?
Let’s explore what’s possible when you stop striving to be perfect and start building a life that feels like yours.
Book a free consult to see how perfectionism therapy in San Antonio can support you.
Ready to Get Started?
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